Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Deja Vu

Well, well, well.... it's been far too long, hasn't it? A whole year has flown by, and then some, without a single post. I've lost all my followers/readers and any interest that I may have had previously. I basically have to start from scratch now with gaining a readership for my blog, not that it's all about the fame but the point of a blog is to have someone read it, otherwise I'd be scrawling in a diary(something else that I have also neglected this past year).

It's quite interesting to see the last post I published on 'Miss Shivi' was all about how I was embarking on a new health and fitness regime because I wanted to lose weight. Deja vu it seems as that's where I'm at right now although I've gained MORE weight and am at a much more desperate stage. It's got to the point now where if I keep going the way I am, I will become one of those large overweight middle-aged women that I secretly judge and question how they could let themselves get that way. How hypocritical I have been. I currently work at a small supermarket where I have been frequently disgusted at the rubbish people put through the checkout- Red Bulls, lollies, sugary flavoured milks, biscuits, mac n' cheese, etc. I would feel so superior whenever I ate a clean, supercharged and nutritious meal . I was a health food snob yet I secretly ate junk food occasionally and over the last few months the ratio of perfect food to junk have tipped in favour of the junk. I'm at the point now where I'm eating more junk than healthy food. I eat food that I would never have considered eating before. Now I intentionally scope out the vending machines and the individually-packaged ice cream fridges whereas before I would have walked by without a second thought- it used to be something I just didn't do. I never had cravings for those sorts of foods but now when I'm hungry they're the first things that come to mind. I now have sympathy and empathy for other individuals struggling with their weight. I understand how it can happen.

Now is the time for a drastic change. I've noticed that when a change occurs in my life, altering my typical routine, so too changes my diet - for better or for worse. When I went to America on my high school exchange in 2011 my world was turned completely upside down and I tried many new foods and in much greater quantities than I had in Australia. When I came back to Australia in early January of 2012 my routine changed again as I had to get used to 'normality' and I got a part-time job. This time I ate better and my weight decreased. Then I started my first year of university in March of last year meaning I had to juggle work, study, classes and exercise. Unfortunately I gained back all the weight I had lost in January from comfort eating.

This brings me to now. I can literally feel my thighs and waistline expanding and I'm surprised I haven't ballooned out even more. At the moment I'm binging every day and have become a social recluse. I spend my free time watching too much TV as I make a nice big dent lying down on the couch. Thankfully my mum suggested I try Lite n' Easy, a weight-loss meal delivery service. This means I will be giving my freedom away when it comes to choosing food and I couldn't be more grateful. To know I don't have to fight with myself not to demolish an entire bag/packet/container of food is liberating. I just have to eat the pre-portioned meals and that's it. It'll have been months since I've eaten less than 1500 calories in a day. I know my portion sizes theoretically but I just keep going back for seconds and thirds AND then I'll have a bowl of another type of food and have seconds and thirds of that! I'm hoping this plan will help my body get used to healthy foods once again as well as normal portion sizes.

Tomorrow is Day 1 and I will be weighing myself in the morning to use as my 'Before'. I am planning on doing the program for about 6 weeks and will then wean myself off of it(perhaps alternating weeks) so I can continue the new way of eating all on my own. I will let you know more about the program in forthcoming posts as well as how my first week goes.

Wish me luck.