I don't even know what to do with myself now, I don't think it's really set in that I will never have to step foot in that school again. I do have my school graduation on the 29th though but I can cope with that, I'm looking forward to it- an excuse to wear my heels from the school ball again.
Originally the plan would have been for me to chill for the next couple of months until I started up university at the campus five minutes away, probably with most of the same people I've shared these high school years with. It would be something new and out of my comfort zone but I don't think I'd be able to take full advantage of it when I'm my same reserved self in the company of the same high school peers who expect me to stay that way. Deep down I know I'm more outgoing it's just that I've got stuck in a rut. Not only that but I'm afraid of getting older- I'm afraid I haven't made the most of my time and think people will expect more of me as I age although I don't feel any different. I can honestly see myself spiraling into a meltdown or some form of depression/anxiety.
I just couldn't let that happen. I knew I needed more time to prepare for university but staying in Australia wasn't going to help so I decided to take a high school exchange year abroad to the United States of America! I'll be doing an extra year of high school but as we finish school the year we turn 17 here in Western Australia I should be roughly the same age as all the American teens. Plus I'll be with a new year group at university so once again I can start afresh and make new friendship groups. In America I'll be able to start over, create a fresh new me and the wonderful thing is that no-one will know about my previous self in Australia. I'm going to introduce myself to everyone as Shivi(my real name is Siobhan) to reflect the new identity I'll be creating for myself. As long as I'm confident, cheery and chirpy on the first day I'll have no problem- I just need my first impression on people to be a good one and then people will just expect it of me.
There's a lot I'll share with you all about the exchange program but I'll leave that for another day.